Resentment

Does anyone else find it hard to say 'No?' This can be to co-workers, friends, or your children if you have them. I find myself saying no to our kids often. I don't think "no" is a terrible word; it sets boundaries and expectations. But it can also alienate during times of need. I find it harder to say no to my kids when I have been busy and unfocused on them. I think they call the allowance for whatever kids ask for in these moments "mom guilt."

Prior to starting this business, I had lots of mom guilt when I'd work late and on weekends to catch up on things that weekday meetings prevented me from working on. But, after starting the business, I felt much less guilt because we were together all the time and I was able to do so much more with and for them. During this season in our business, with the scope of work change that Nick and I have had, I'm back to less time focusing on them. Half of me doesn't feel guilty about this and the other half does.

When the guilt sets in, I find myself doing things with them that I have not planned nor budgeted, which is how I found myself at an amusement park in Long Island with Ila and Zadie today.

Zadie visited this amusement park with her camp and had such a great time that she really wanted to experience it again with her family. After getting home from the field trip, she voluntold me that we were either going to visit Luna Park (which she had also visited with her camp earlier in the summer) or Adventureland this weekend. Girl, huh? Whaaaaa? Like, who's paying for this, bro? And, do I want to spend my weekend driving distances and buying expensive (not great) amusement park food? But, when she shared her big plans, I was distracted tapping away at my keyboard keys and unable to give her my undivided attention to find a better day in the calendar for this adventure to unfold. With each day that passed this week, her excitement and anticipation for this fun day with her sister and her mother grew. If you're wondering where Nico and Nick were, Nico had planned a similar day of returning to the site of one of his field trips for a redux with his father. Nick ended up taking Nico and friend somewhere similar and much closer to home. I, on the other hand, ate Zadie’s bait.

This morning, I tried to back out of the amusement park field trip because we were leaving later than anticipated and rain was in the forecast two hours after our expected time of arrival to the park. Zadie's eyes started to turn red and water. She never cries, protests, or tantrums. I attribute this to where she falls in her sibling order. So, when she expresses any disappointment, I cave. So, off we went. And, let me tell you, I was annoyed.

The girls knew it and tried to keep the car convo light and minimal. I was working on myself and my attitude as I drove. One of the things I was thinking about was how it wasn't fair for me to be resentful about going on this trip when I never said no to it. I allowed it to happen. And, I allowed it to happen because I felt bad about the fact that if I really planned when we'd go, we probably wouldn't because I have a million other things to get done. The other thought I had was that I really don't have much time left with my kids at this stage. At some point in the near future, they won't want to hang out with me and eventually, they will likely not be around to hang out with. These were sobering thoughts that helped me get my attitude together.

Do you ever hold resentment toward others whom you have allowed, for whatever reason, to impose upon you? It's easy to be mad at them but in the end, we are in control of how we spend our time, money, and attention. Today, I was mad that work has been so busy that I don't have the time to attend to these whimsical trip requests. I was also mad that I allowed my children to push me into a trip that I wasn’t really prepared to take. But, after accepting everything, I was really happy that I took the bait and got to spend the afternoon with them making new memories.

Petrushka

Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach

P.S. I’m teaching a family-friendly ice cream workshop at the James Beard Foundation’s Platform space at Pier 57 on Saturday, August 16th at 10:30am. Come! You can use code chefaug10 for 10% off.